The Girl Who Loved Ironhide
by StevemacQ
Summary: Two characters that barely interact with each other find some common ground with putting up with Kicker's behavior. As the two discuss their common hate, they get to know and understand one another and begin to love each other. Love that is built on hate. Warning: Contains strong language, nudity, interspecies-romance, explicit sex and some good ol' Kicker-bashing.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Two characters that barely interact with each other find some common ground with putting up with Kicker's behavior. As the two discuss their common hate, they get to know and understand one another and begin to love each other. Love that is built on hate.

Note: I haven't seen Transformers: Energon in years and I'm not planning on watching it again because it's too cringe-worthy to sit through again so the plot is based off memory.

Warning: Contains strong language, nudity, interspecies-romance, explicit (and anatomically impossible) sex, lots of Kicker-bashing and some messed up imaginations can only be conceived by a mad man, who happens to be me. Because why not. Enjoy.


	2. Chapter 2

Aboard the ship known "The Miranda" in outer space, everyone, under the command of Optimus Prime, is working very hard at their jobs, all except Chad Jones, aka "Kicker".

That can be heard is Kicker's incoherent but consistent whining, much to the annoyance of everyone around him when they're all trying to do their jobs.

"Kicker, please stop shouting. I will not tolerate with this behavior of yours." Optimus tries to reason with Kicker in a strict but fair matter.

Kicker's only coherent response was "SHUT UP! I'LL DO WHAT I WANT 'CUS I'M THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE! I HATE MY DAD!"

Kicker ran up to Ironhide and kicked him in the leg again. "Ow! For fuck sake, sto-" "Enough!" Optimus interrupted Ironhide from kicking back at Kicker. "You can't hurt me, Iron-head, because you'll just kill me like that and we can't have that now can we?" Ironhide restrained himself in disgust while runs up to kick a wall nearby, obliviously tackling his friend Misha.

"It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair! IT'S NOT FAIR!" while Kicker goes on and on, Ironhide notices Misha was trying to lift herself up. "Ngh! Ugh!" "Hey! Are you okay?" Ironhide seemed concerned for Misha. "I'll be fine. Ugh!" She responded quietly as is if she wasn't looking for attention but is clearly injured as she nearly collapsed but walked anyway to her computer to get on with their duty as a scientist. Even her eyes seemed sorrowful.

This struck Ironhide with awe to how surprisingly stoic this human was in contrast to her male friend, who shouts and overreacts almost every second of every day.

"Why isn't she the hero?"


	3. Chapter 3

Weeks have passed during the Autobots' mission in outer-space, occasionally fighting the evil forces of the Decepticons.

Ironhide walked across the hall to the elevator, Misha also happens to be walking by, holding the elevator to get in. As the elevator goes down, the two remained quiet.

Ironhide felt uncomfortable as he sees her expressionless face until she notices him looking at him, Ironhide quickly turns his head away from her.

The elevator stopped at the bottom floor, Misha went on and Ironhide walked behind her out of curiosity. "So… uhm… What are you doing here?' Ironhide broke the silence. "Oh. I'm just checking the energon levels, that's all." "You couldn't do that on a computer?" "I wanted the check engine personally." Misha clearly sounds like she only cares about her work until "What brings you down here?" "Me?" Ironhide seemed surprised and unsure why he was exactly here. "I guess I just wanted a break from Kicker's abuse, that's all." Ironhide tried to laugh it off but Misha made no effort to response.

Ironhide became frustrated with her detached demeanor because of the fact she was human yet seemed polar opposite to Kicker.

"Tell me about yourself."

The moment Ironhide uttered those words into a certain sentence, Misha just froze from her work, dropped her pen and sheet and turns around with a surprised expression, practically shocked and breathless.

"N-N-No aboard here has ever asked me that before." Misha struggled with her sentences.

"Well it's just… You're just so quiet and I just thought it wouldn't hurt to have a conversation with someone every now and then, away from work. I wanna know about Misha the person."

Misha's sparkling blue eyes begin to fill up with tears of joy; her face is blushing like crazy and puts on a big smile. Misha suddenly seemed more human than Ironhide ever thought. She begins to bawl, run up and hug Ironhide's leg. "Th-Th-THHHHHAAAAAANK YYOOOOOUUU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! FINALLY, SOME COMPASSION FOR ONCE! AAAAAAAAGH!" Misha blubbers these words like an idiot. Was this the same Misha from before?

"Hey! Come on! How am I suppose to talk to you like this?"

Ironhide's words stopped Misha at her tracks. She restrains herself, stops and wipes her tears. "Sorry. It's been a while since I had friends to talk to and Kicker's not exactly one to listen." "Tell me more." Ironhide has found something the two can start having a conversation about.


	4. Chapter 4

"I admit that Kicker isn't exactly the nicest guy in the world. We can argue that his childhood trauma of being stuck in an asteroid or something was the cause when his dad tested his powers. There were times I truly tried to sympathize and side with Kicker but he shouts the same stuff over and over. I forgot why I even wanted to be with him or see any point in trying and failing to have those two idiots get along. Dr. Jones was no better as he just laughs it off, implying that he might have a darker agenda like a god-complex or something."

As Misha, setting down with her arms around her legs, went on and on about Kicker, Ironhide was sitting across her and nodding to what she has to say.

"(Deep breath) I believe there can be peace between everyone if we just all sit down and discuss our problems deeply, as well as trying to understand one another without escalating an argument to heated war again. I keep saying this to myself… But Kicker's words, actions, choices and general behavior has made me question my beliefs when someone like Kicker can turn even the most fun-loving person into a Nietzsche-wannabe. No matter what any of us, humans, Autobots, Decepticons, it doesn't matter who we are, Kicker is never happy. Scratch that. Not only does he not want to be happy, he wants nobody to be happy. Seriously, he can kill the mood in an instant, even if there was no fun to be have."

The pale brunette clenches her and lowers her eyebrows, stares up at Ironhide and then lifts herself up as she continues.

"If you really think about it. He actually has it pretty well. Sure, there's the whole trauma-thing but that was just a dumb accident. He has a family that loves him, he spent of lot of his time on a bike, doing dumb and dangerous things out of pure fun, he wields a cool giant sword like he's Cloud Strife, and his armor includes an f-ing jetpack! He has it all and yet continues to whine about not having a normal life."

Her voice starts to get louder and louder.

"Nothing ever pleases him! He yammers about being the, self-proclaimed, most important person in the universe and yet never acts like a real hero. I've known bullies in my childhood that got more sense than him. My parents, both who I loved deeply, died years ago. I don't remember how they died but all I could do was grieve before moving on with my life, study and work hard so they can be proud of me because I know they're watching over me."

Misha clenches her teeth and seems to be getting angrier.

"Yet Kicker keeps whining and whining, expecting everyone to feel sorry for him yet he never, in his whole life, considers how others have it worse than him and flips his shit, whether you praise or call him out, he's such a bully! In fact, I actually don't like Kicker. In fact, I HATE HIM! I HOW MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE HE IS TO EVERYONE! IT WOULDN'T KILL TO BE NICE AND GRATEFUL FOR ONCE! I FEEL LIKE GIVING HIM A GOOD ASS-KICKING! SEE HOW HE LIKES IT!"

She begins to breathe deeply, wipes her forehead and begins to calm down. Ironhide's shocked face when Misha looks up.

"You okay?" "Y-Yeah. (Gulp) You just kinda scared me." Misha was surprised by Ironhide's words. "I'm scary?" Misha was amazed by his answer, causing to her to smirk, snigger and then laugh her ass off.

" Hehehehe! Ah hahahahahahahahahahaha! Hah! Ha…ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Whoo!" Misha feels over on her back and laughs uncontrollably. Ironhide didn't know what make of his friend going from calm to anger to laughter but he couldn't figure out how he then responded. "Hey, Misha?" "Ha ha, yes?" "You're actually kinda cute when you're laughing like that." She suddenly stopped by this revelation and begins to blush and turn around in embarrassment.

"Maybe we should stop here for today. I ugh… have to get this examination done." Misha felt embarrassed. "Okay? But can we talk again tomorrow? I wanna bitch about Kicker too." "Oh, sorry. Guess I went a little too long. Sure. You come to me whenever we both have the time but remember, the mission comes first."

The Autobot was about to leave until "Hey, Ironhide." He turns around when Misha called. "Thank you. I really needed to blow off some steam that like that." She gives him a faint smile until he leaves. The girl chuckled a bit and hummed cheerfully.

When Ironhide returned back up, he was greeted by another one of Kicker's… well… kicks. "Ow! Would you stop doing that!? Can't you be grateful you even have friends?" Kicker looks up with anger. "Grateful? GRATEFUL!? WHAT DO I HAVE TO BE GRATEFUL ABOUT!" Kicker leaves in anger, ranting out loud for everyone to hear.

Ironhide looks back at the elevator with a smile. "A lot of things, apparerntly."


	5. Chapter 5

Ironhide and Misha once again have a nice conversation in the bottom floor of the ship to discuss more of their mutual hate towards Kicker.

"That douche just never stops kicking me as if I was a brother of his."

"Oh no. He has a little sister. Poor Sally. Huhuhuhuhuhu."

The two talked and laughed their asses off, to the point that they start mocking Kicker.

Ironhide gets all huffy, crouches a bit and makes angry steps while saying, "I'm Kicker and I kick walls and robots because I have no brain or a soul. Kick! Kick! Kick!"

Misha joins in the fun. "That's right and I can sense things when my hair glows and have a big giant fuck-off sword as a way to compensate! I whine all the time because I'm spoiled! Kick! Kick! Kick!"

The two were having a great time but eventually want to talk about something other than Kicker.

"We were fighting the Decepticons on Purple Ooze City." "I can't believe some made a city on a planet cover in purple ooze. Even worse, they just call it Purple Ooza City." Misha begins to rant a little. "Ocean City, Jungle City, Asteroid City, Purple Ooze City, it's as if our whole universe, time, space and overall existence were fabricated by bad writing." Ironhide cracks a joke. "Perhaps that explains why Kicker is the center of attention despite being a jer-Sorry. No more Kicker." Ironhide stopped at his track when Misha gave a sharp glare because he said the "K"-word. "Uh-hum. Speaking of people who like to shout. I tangled a bit with Snowcat, who really has a thing for yodeling." Misha then says "Yodeling? It's too bad he wasn't on our side, and then we could encourage him to go into show business except I know little about Bavarian culture and I don't wanna display myself as being culturally ignorant." to Ironhide.

"Can YOU sing?" Misha's eyes were sparked by Ironhide's question and stands up with a smirk and a sense of triumph. "Hmph."

Then, Ironhide, notices the lights have dimmed down except a spotlight with Misha in it, hears a boom orchestra score and hears Misha unleash a deep, booming voice of a soprano despite her youthful appearance. As many would say to you, me and many others before, now and after, appearances can be deceiving. Misha appears almost in command, raising her arms, as she was laying vengeance, with an iron fist or two, upon all who oppose her, those who stood in her way or to people she generally doesn't like.

When the singing ends in a high note, the lights were back to normal and Misha was picking up a small device that was attached to a stereo. Ironhide clapped his hands in cheer with amazement in his face. "Holy shit! What was that?" Misha responds with a soft giggle.

"That, my friend, was _"Der Hölle Rache kocht in meinem Herzen__"_ or _"__Hell's vengeance boils in my heart"_, the famous aria of Mozart's _"__Die Zauberflöte__"_ or _"The Magic Flute"_, sung by The Queen of the Night. During the second act, the Queen, in a fit of vengeful rage, gives her daughter Pamina with a knife to assassinate her mother's rival Sarastro otherwise the Queen would forsake her own child."

"That Queen-lady sounds like a total bitch." "You should listen to the full opera sometime. I may be seen as fragile as Ophelia to many but deep down, my repressed anger could be at the same caliber as The Queen of the Night wields her own."

"You're not gonna threaten our friendship if I don't kill you-know-who, are you?" The young brunette chuckled at the robot's question. "Of course not, silly." "He-he-he-Wait. Who's Ophelia?" "Why she's a character from Hamlet." "Hamlet?" Misha wasn't afraid to seize the opportunity. "Oh my dear dear friend, I am about to give you a free ride through my knowledge of the finest culture ever conceived by humans in the planet known as Earth."


	6. Chapter 6

Throughout the week, Misha educates her giant robot friend many things that the other human, on the same ship, would never discuss in favour of his daddy issues. To Misha, teaching Ironhide not only gave her a sense of relevance and enjoyment, but also her faith in humanity has been reinforced even though Kicker's actions constantly puts her down.

"Hey Misha. How bad was it when Kicker tackled you?" Ironhide remembered how he first became concerned with his new friend. She sighed depressingly. "Badly. It was one big black bruise on my leg." She took off her shoes, unbuckled her belt and unzipped her jumpsuit so she can remove it; exposing herself, naked, as well her fading bruise on her left leg. "I didn't want to say anything because I knew what was more important, plus I'm terrified of Kicker."

"Why did you even join then?" "Money."

Like that, the Autobot realized that his friend might not be as innocent as he first realized. "To be specific, Dr. Jones promised me a large amount if I looked after his son. I just need the money for my financial future. I'm not a big spender but if I pace myself, I can keep going until I grow old, wither and die." "And what would say to Kicker once you get the money?" The girl responds to Ironhide's question. "I would ask Arcee to give me a ride back to Canyon City, flip the bird at Kicker's obnoxiously punchable face and say adios to his dad."

"Hehe!" Ironhide grinned and whistled at Misha, who then forgets that she was naked. "WAAAAAAAGH!" She throws her shoe at Ironhide's face, ran back to put on her clothes. "Don't look at me that, you prick!" The girl was clearly embarrassed and her faced was red all over. After she got back on her clothes, there was nothing but awkward silence until "I'm sorry for whistling like that. It wasn't right." Misha smiled towards Ironhide's sincere apology. "I should be the one that's sorry. I feel more comfortable around robots than I am with humans anyway. Also… Sorry for throwing my shoe at you."

…

Later in the cockpit, Misha and Ironhide talked more casually, which was surprising to the Autobots and Kicker, who clearly wasn't happy… as usual and barges up. "HEY! WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING?" "Geez, calm down. Ironhide and I were just having a friendly chat. Am I not allowed to ANY form of social interaction with anyone besides you?" "DO YOUR FUCKIN' WORK YA LAZY BITCH!" A furious Ironhide stared down Kicker, who jumped and fell down. "Misha is a hard worker who deserves a bit of brake too, like how you go on scooters through bridges like a stuntman-wannabe." The boy couldn't comprehend that his partner gave him a good verbal smackdown. "HOW DARE YOU!" He tries to kick Ironhide, who then lifts his leg back. "NO ONE TALKS BACK TO ME AND LIVES!" Kicker lifts his sword but Optimus Prime breaks up the fight. "You two, stop at once! We cannot afford to turn against each other. Ironhide, like it or not, Kicker plays an important role in our mission. Kicker, just because of what I just said, doesn't give you any right to abuse your allies. I've already seen enough of that with Megatron." Kicker kicked a nearby wall and frustration and left the room."

"Now I want you and Kicker to apologize to each other and move on." "Okay sir." "Hey, Ironhide." He looked towards Misha. "Thanks for standing up for me." "Hey, it's no problem, you're my friend." "Don't forget to kiss him! J" As Ironhide left, Optimus confronts Misha. "I'll be honest with you. I'm glad you're on board because you help remind me that humanity is truly worth fighting for." Everyone resumes work and Misha feels a great sense of pride, relevance and character since she finally raised her voice a little, a breath of fresh air in comparison to her so-called childhood friend.


End file.
